THE COMPETITION

Finalist

To: Customer Service Department,
Wm Morrison Supermarkets PLC,
Hilmore House,
Gain Lane,
Bradford,
BD3 7DL

Dear Sir/Madam,

Ever since discovering your pleasantly crunchy Walkers Sensations ‘made with Real Ingredients’, the spectre of worry has hung over of me. Scarcely reassured by the asserted reality of the product, I am left to conclude, by the notable absence of such statements on other items in your store, that you have been peddling in fantasy. I’ve felt a little faint of late and my husband assures me that I’ve lost weight. I’m hardly surprised by either condition since it seems you may have been substituting parts of my groceries for mere fancies thereof. If so, I hope you feel more than a little remorse. How wide and deep does the rot go, I wonder? Your competitor, Tesco, assures me that his Jordan’s Muesli has natural ingredients, but offers no such assurances for his Blueberry Wheats. I dread to think about what might happen were I to imbibe whatever otherworldly substance must surely be within. I shall go to Marks & Spencer’s in the town centre in future. Their products’ earthly origins have never been in doubt.

Yours truly,

Edna Welthorpe (Mrs)