THE 2020 COMPETITION
Runner Up
To: Ocado
Dear Sir,
I recently made use of your grocery delivery service. Since you came recommended by Janet at the Women’s Institute, and given your affiliations with the Waitrose brand, I ventured to dip my toe into the foreign sea of internet-shopping.
Sadly, the experience has been most disappointing. The process of adding items to my basket was somewhat tiresome – I eventually located my preferred cottage-cheese amidst the thousands you offer – and I suppose the delivery driver was pleasant, but rather chatty. Whilst he rambled on about the weather, my dauphinoise defrosted at my feet.
Inspecting the contents of the frightful sea of plastic upon my doorstep, I realised what a terrible mistake this had been. I was shocked by the number of ‘substitutions’. Green beans, unlike asparagus, simply cannot be wrapped in prosciutto, and how you justify ‘Sriracha’ as a replacement for ketchup is beyond me. As for the ‘missing items’ – extraordinary! You positively admit to misplacing my ciabatta!
Furthermore, might I suggest greater clarity of description? The quantities received are perplexing. The kilogram of margarine might be used for the upcoming WI bake-sale, but what I am to do with forty-eight rolls of quilted lavatory tissue, I cannot fathom.
I shan’t be using you again. Neither shall I be returning to Janet for advice.
Yours faithfully,
